WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that he called “long overdue,” on Tuesday Donald J. Trump signed an executive order changing the meaning of the word “obliterate.” According to the order, the word, which formerly meant “destroy utterly” or “wipe out,” will now mean “delay for a few months.” Trump used the signing ceremony to announce a plan to remove from the English language thousands of what he called “Obama-era long words.” Headed for the chopping block are such polysyllabic words as “jurisprudence,” “constitutional,” and “polysyllabic.” Now More Than Ever: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2025 Andy Borowitz |